We made it back last night – later than expected or hoped. Around 1 am. It was a tough journey back here and, God knows, I didn’t want to leave the farm or come back here at all. I grew tired of this place years ago. The ride was bumpy in that huge empty truck….we seemed to cross 10K bridges (they are all super bumpy) – it was hard on the old pup but we made it back. I got him back to my house – fed, walked and in bed then I unloaded my personal things and took the truck back to Uhaul. At that hour, barely a soul was on the road or out…everyone was home asleep. My neighbor came to pick me up and brought me home. She is truly a blessing. Not lots of support here.
Today I hit the ground running and I can feel it tonight. Really tired.
I wanted to share that I awaked this morning in the twilight state…still partly dreaming. Guess where I was? Once again it was May 13, 2015…I was about to leave and you’d called me back. I was standing by the kitchen island and you were sitting on your little bench. All my things were packed and loaded and you’ll remember that I’d left out the gate when you finally responded to my text – I turned around and came back. That was my last entry into that property. I wonder if I’ll ever drive through that gate again? I sure hope so. In the dream, I was reliving that morning…what I remember the most is the uncontrollable emotion and tears. I’m sure you can remember well that, at times, I couldn’t catch my breath due to the tears. I remember when the “queen mother” walked in (I was even more saddened about that)…those last few minutes with you were precious beyond words and then…there comes Loretta Lynn’s mama. Yikes.
Puppy…I didn’t want to leave you. It broke my heart. I’ve never stopped missing you even for a moment. For a second time (once in late Sep 2014 and I’m sure in efforts to comfort me) you said, “I’m SURE our paths will cross again someday”. Somehow I knew in those moments you could “feel” our future, too? What a tough day…lots of raw emotions.
I have lots of thoughts and questions about things…about the possible upcoming future. I’m wondering what you’ve got in mind? If you have a timeline? I worry about lots of things, too. For now (even here tonight), I’m just too tired to get deep into things BUT as soon as I can turn a curve here (with the renovation), I’ll try to begin sharing more important questions, hopeful plans, etc. All that matters to me is you and our little family.
I hope you’ve had nice day and someone made you a yummy, healthy dinner. Sleep well, okay? Keep me close – you know where I am. I love you, honey! xo