Hey, honey.
I hope you’re having a nice day? Seems you guys are traveling again. Truly, I just cannot imagine. Not sure when I last looked up from this intense focus. It’s finally starting to take a toll on me yet I continue onward. What other choice do I have at this point?
We continue to zoom in on small loose ends. I’m waiting now to hear back from the electrician – he will be the final sub here before I put this house on the market. It’s all bittersweet. This has been my home for over 20 years. While I’m excited about the future and living a slower, more simple life at the farm…OR, if you truly love me (as I love you) and you find a way for us to be together…then, a new life with you and our own little family – either way, a new era is fast approaching.
I’ve found myself back in a place that I’ve been before….and at that time, I shared my concerns with you. Perhaps I’m in my head too much but, here I am again. Of course, you realize that I’m a fairly intelligent and VERY observant person. With that said, I tend to look at you, your current life, the Christmas pic you shared on Xmas day (and all of you guys in it)…considering where you are TODAY (on a vacay with her and probably others, too?), the reality of your family, HER family…your long time friends, your church, the grands, your attorney and his family, all those in your local community (those that are in your personal circle)…those in your history (other players, fans, etc).
How does it all make me feel? The truth? Like there is NO WAY on earth “we” will ever happen. How? Even when calculating all the “conservatives” that you follow and have shared or commented on in the past – HOW then, could you ever be my husband and the father of OUR two precious little boys? Boys that have 2 dads? It just all seems to go against everything that you are (in public)?
When I study your life (as a collective), it is very discouraging to me as there doesn’t seem to be any room for me and our littles? I guess time will tell? If you wonder WHY I get so down with respect to your (seeming) inability to communicate with me in any direct way….and any communication must be hidden in plain sight – it’s very disheartening. WHY is it “disheartening”? Because this fact reminds me that “I must be crazy” and totally living in a silly delusion? Years upon years of no contact. Again, I guess time will tell.
I’m not sure you can know how much I love you? How much I want to spend these final days/years with you and our boys. What great daddies we would be. Nothing but time to do this right and raise two great men DESPITE all the hate for same sex parents. It’s true, there are conservative same-sex couples that have their own families and thrive…but most keep totally out of the spotlight for fear of judgement. It’s sad (in my opinion) as there are so few that display that this is possible. OF COURSE, same sex couples can be conservative, law-abiding and God fearing – yet we never see that? All the public ever see are the weirdos. Kinda sad.
Everyday the sun rises, I think of you. YOU are my last thought before I fall asleep and the first thought when I awaken. You are always with me…always in my heart. Even so, I worry. I’m concerned that I’ll get this house sold, moved to the farm and settled – then, this type of communication will continue onward. That nothing will change? Our very tiny window of opportunity to be together and have the boys will simply vanish? I surely hope not. 56 may seem old to us today…but 66 would make this dream impossible IF we want to spend some good years raising the boys. I wouldn’t want to do this if we can’t be with them 20 (or more) years. We cannot allow this dark world to take them from the light. We have to hover…love, guide and direct them…stand in the gap (so to speak) until they are strong (and confident) enough to walk on their own.
As I’ve said many times, I don’t want anything bad or dark to happen to her or anyone yet it seems you could never walk away in front of the public? I’ve often wondered if your love for me and our sons will outweigh what others think? All the losers incessant judging? Again, I guess time will tell.
I hope you enjoy this day and you’re eating good, healthy food. Remember to keep water with you – hydration is so important. Eat lots of avocado (as possible – best for your brain), blueberries, and lean protein. Try to consume your matcha green tea each day and don’t forget the zinc! It’s so important.
Wherever you are, stay safe and keep me close. As ever, I’m right there with you all snuggled inside your heart. I hope someday, we can be in each others arms. I love you so much, Puppy. xo